Early last semester, I received a huge shock in the form of a big red "D" on the front of my Philosophy paper. When I saw it, it felt like the wind got knocked out of me and a lump the size of Texas rose in my throat. And then I thought, "How is this possible? I don't get D's!"
It was true, I had never seen that grade before, except once on a high school Chemistry test that I had not prepared very well for. I reinvented myself at UConn as an "A-student" and I couldn't believe that I had earned such a terrible grade. Up to that point I had a 4.0 in my Philosophy Major and hadn't considered that it could change. "As and AAC coach, I'm supposed to be an expert at this, not someone who gets D's!"--I thought.
After a night of feeling sorry for myself and coming to terms with the fact that the paper I thought was "not my best, but good enough" really was pretty awful, I remembered a few important things.
My grades are not who I am, whether excellent or embarrassingly terrible. I have shared this thought with many of my peers, but I realized how easy it is when things are going well to slip back into this way of thinking. The reality is that A's take work, and you can't get them just because, like me, you think you are an "A-student."
I am completely responsible for my own effort, and EVERTHING that I do. After that night of feeling sorry for myself and indulging my vices with a couple of good friends, I went to sleep not sure what the morning would bring. I woke up and started coaching myself the way I have coached a lot of students on this campus. I got in touch with reality and faced the fact that I had made a choice not to write the best paper that I could. Rather than blaming LSAT prep, loud roommates, and all those lovely parts of life that get in the way, I took responsibility for my procrastination and the moment when I settled for something less than my best work.
I stopped dwelling on what I couldn't change and focused on what I could. I made an appointment with my professor to discuss the paper and figure what about Heraclitus and the subject of substantive change I had gotten so wrong. He clarified my mistakes and helped me to better understand the material. He also extended the option to rewrite the paper. From there, I studied my butt off for the midterm, employing techniques that have served me well in the past. I went to office hours before writing the next paper and started it early enough that I was able to submit a draft to my professor and get some feedback before it was due. When I studied for the final, I met with a classmate to review material, exchange outlines, and pose questions to one another.
I aced the second paper and finished the class with a B, and I am prouder of that B, because of what it took to get it, than a lot of the A's on my transcript.
My big red D was also a big fat reality check. That little mark on my paper reminded me that I have to be intentional about the results I want, and that I also need to hold myself accountable for doing the best I can, despite all the reasons I may have not to. Perfection of effort isn't easy, but it feels really good to know when I have given something my all, rather than something less.
I've said before that A's are risky business and it's true. Getting high grades requires an active and intentional decision to do your best work. My D reminded me that I hadn't turned in my best work and that quality of work would not produce the grade I wanted. Rather than making excuses and feeling sorry for myself (for too long), I knew that I could do something about the situation that I was unhappy with, so I took the risk of working longer and harder hoping it would pay off. I utilized reliable study methods and made time to review information and discuss my questions with my professor. I expended my effort in studying for the exams and writing my second paper and as a result my grades went up.
Sarah! I'm so glad you linked the "A's are Risky Business" to this blog post because I went back and read your article and really enjoyed it a second time around. My English professor was just talking about the same exact thing with a different vocabulary. She was talking about "enabling fictions", which are things that we tell ourselves
ReplyDeletein order not to have to face a harsher reality. An example she gave of an enabling fiction is a common one among college students: "I do better under pressure". This is an excuse to procrastinate AND an excuse not to succeed. Students use this enabling fiction to say to themselves, "well, I did this paper at 4am the morning it was due, so it's okay that I just got a C on it". Also, if the student actually puts a lot of work into the paper, working on it for weeks and going over lots of rough drafts, and gets an A on it, they now know that they have the capability to be successful and have responsibility to be successful. They must put in the same amount of work into every paper and assignment to get an A now because they know that they are capable and that responsibility is stressful and a huge commitment to make! Anyway, I thought it was an interesting way of looking at the same thing you wrote about!